Before we get started, I have to tell you that I love being a stay at home mom.
But when I first started staying home with my kids, I had to let go of some of the dreams I had of being a SAHM. Because the truth is that when I had rough days at work, I’d find myself day dreaming about being a stay at home Mom. I’d picture myself sitting outside with my daughter nestled in my arms. We’d smile at each other while we admired the buzzing bees and birds that flew overhead (without a drop of poo EVER falling on us). It was the perfect daydream. But, the reality of staying home with my kids (while rewarding & priceless) wasn’t exactly how I pictured it to be…
What It’s Really Like to Be a Stay at Home Mom
One.
Dream :: Me relaxing and recharging as my quiet, extremely happy baby (she’s happy because I’m home with her, of course) sleeps peacefully in her crib.
Reality :: Me bouncing my baby, holding my baby, singing to my baby, doing everything humanly possible to get those eyes shut. Remember those dolls that close their eyes when you lie them down? I love those baby dolls and their sweet little eyes so much. But, real babies? Yah, they don’t do that….
Two.
Dream: Hours of free time to pick up the house, get dinner ready, and have everything looking great because I have so much TIME.
Reality :: Hours of time spent in my home which leads to more chores than I could possibly imagine. I did not realize that being home all day would result in MORE chores because we use more dishes, dirty more places, and take out more stuff. Silly me. Oh, and the dishes, making dinner, and cleaning clothes become impossible when you have a baby to hold anyway.
Three.
Dream :: Friends flooding to my door with their quiet, happy babies ready to play.
Reality :: Finding friends is a bit harder because you’re home all day and everyone else is either at work or off somewhere you can’t find them. When you DO actually find them, the babies just lie on a blanket or start crying. Because that’s what babies do. Or, since it takes forty five minutes to get anywhere (because you have to stop and nurse or bottle feed, change diapers, pack your bag, load the car, etc.), when you finally DO get to your friends house, you have to leave. Because baby has to nap.
Four.
Dream :: I’d have more time to get ready in the mornings, time to get dressed and feel good about the day.
Reality :: I now have more stains on my clothes than I ever thought possible because my kids have decided I’m a towel and a tissue all in one. I’m so much easier to reach than the tissue box. And, getting ready in the morning? Forget it. Just go to bed wearing your clothes and make up for the next day. You’ll thank me later.
Five.
Dream :: I’d have magical moments with my kids every single day. Time to connect, time to enjoy each other, just lot’s of wonderful TIME together.
Reality :: Somedays I literally beg strangers to take my kid from my arms just so I can have one moment of TIME to myself <—quickly followed by wanting to hold my baby again. 😉 Oh, the irony!
Six.
Dream :: Things like getting grocery shopping and errands done would be so much easier because I’m home all day.
Reality :: By the time I get the kids in the car, drive, get them out of the car, get in the store, get them back in the car, drive, get them out of the car with all the stuff from the store….half of my day is already over and I’ve completely lost all of my sanity in one trip. And, I managed to forget the toilet paper. Crap.
Seven.
Dream :: I would be less tired and stressed.
Reality :: I am the boss, janitor, cook, entertainer, playmate, butt-wiper, boogie cleaner, organizer, cleaning lady, social coordinator…I have more titles at home than I could earn in a lifetime at work!
Eight.
Dream :: I would be the happiest Mom every moment of the day, every single day because I’m home with my kids.
Reality :: This is a hard and unpredictable job, but there rewards are extraordinary!
But, here’s the thing…
No job is perfect.
Being a stay at home Mom isn’t about imagining how great it’s going to be or how much easier it’s going to be than a different job, it’s about recognizing that everything that is worth having takes HARD WORK.
Which is why I’ve had this all backwards.
I shouldn’t have been comparing my life as a SAHM with my dreams…instead, I should have been comparing it to my reality:
Nine.
Reality :: I need to work and contribute to my family.
Dream :: I get to be a Stay at Home Mom.
All day every day, I get to live my dream. It may not be like the one I pictured, but it’s everything that I’ve ever wanted.
Someday I will have cleaner clothes, less bags under my eyes, and less bicep muscles (does anyone else hold their kids all day long?!), but I’m telling you, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Took the word right out of my mouth!
I totally feel you .. im a sahm of 10 months old baby and a full time phd research student.. and apparently sitting in front of the lappy with a brain full of ideas are the perfect moment for awake time for my baby.. or milk time..or cuddling time.. or having a nightmare..or i just miss you too much mummy, lets just hug n rub some saliva on your face until all your ideas flew away and i will let u get back to work.. still, im not complaining.. its the best tired job ever..
I love the way you word things. It made me giggle. But it is completely true. I have a 3 1/2yr old boy, a 16mo. girl, and a baby coming any day now. I think all I do some days is keep brother from making little sister scream. He thinks it’s a blast these days.
Your absolutely right about being home all day with kids, they can bring out the worst in us. And yet they have a way of making us so proud. I think they teach us more then we teach them sometimes.
May I encourage you that this is the most physically difficult stage of motherhood. It was much harder for me when I had 3 under 5yr old than when I had 9 under 16 yrs old. We home school, so I had lots of work, but lots of help once the kids began to mature. Persevere, it is so worth it!
Absolutely, Heidi! Thank you for the encouragement – my hope was to encourage Moms who felt like saying at home with their kids wasn’t quite what they imagined. While motherhood is unpredictable, there is so much peace that comes from staying at home with your kids!
This reminds me of a friend of mine who decided to stop watching T.V. in the evenings. She told me that she had previously sat down at 5 p.m. after they’d eaten dinner to start watching and watched straight through till 10 p.m. when she shut it off and they went to bed. Once she stopped she got so busy that she couldn’t understand how she had had enough time to watch 5 hours of television every night! 🙂
so glad i found this website, i found more people who feel da way i feel. being a mom is a tough job, but! full of joy in our heart.
So glad you’re here, Nai Nai! I’m so glad you connected with this post – Yay! 🙂 🙂
Laughing out loud when I read this!
Truly and exactly what’s going on with Sahm.
I have resign 5 years ago and still loving every moment I had with the kids. It is not a popular job but now as they growing up I can see my decision to be a sahm worth it.
I am finding that I have grown weary after 11 years at home with my kids. I would like to be a more enthusiastic mother, which I was earlier on. Not sure what to do to get back that joy.
Oh man! I love this so much! I feel like you just validated what every stay at home mom feels and inspired and reminded us of how worth it is all at the same time! Thank you for this! ; )
I love the turnover towards the end. Eye-opening. Thanks for the encouragement. I get to live my dream too..!
Hahahaha…so…true…
I’m a SAHM with three precious princesses (7, 4, & 1) & although I have absolutely NO time for myself & I spend most of my day solving sibling squabbles, trying to hear myself think over the noise, & trying to get my girls to pick up after themselves, while picking up after them…..I love being here with my kids. I know that I won’t have to miss a thing in these awesome early years & they know that they can always count on Mommy for anything. This article was really inspiring & sometimes in the hustle & bustle of everyday life, I need to be reminded that even though my life as a single mother can be extremely chaotic, I wouldn’t change a thing. Thank you for encouraging me!
Aubrey, what a gift that is to hear! Thank you so much for stopping by and {{big}} hugs to you!! 🙂
Hi Katie! Thanks for sharing!
I’m the mom of three little princesses. I just came back to work after a 6 months pregnancy leave. Believe me when I tell you that working AND taking care of your home IMO is a lot more phisycal exhausting. But staying at home, is a lot more mental exhausting. Anyway, I prefer going out for 5 hours and coming back mentally refreshed, it turned out to be the best for me and my familiy (they really don’t need a neurotic stay at home mom). I really admire the ones that do it.
Enjoy!
Hi Flor! I couldn’t agree with you more – there are different benefits for going to work and staying home with the kids. That’s such a great point! I think it’s so great when you kind find a balance that works for the whole family – bravo for knowing what you need, too! 🙂
Oh thank you! Thank you so much! I cried today because no one in my family understands what I’m talking about. They all think I have it so easy. As you say, it’s rewarding and priceless but definitely not easy. Thanks Katie for outlining our challenges in such a positive way
Love this!! Even though I work part-time, I can so relate on the days I’m off. It’s definitely tough and everything you mentioned…but as you also said, it’s ironic because I also LOVE it so much and do feel it’s a privilege!